CarrieDaway

It’s over. 12 weeks went by in a blink of an eye and I head into work tomorrow. I have a great job and work with amazing/supportive people, so my dismay is not at all related to that – I just don’t want to leave my guy. I’ll be away from him longer in one day than I have cumulatively his entire life. Tears will be shed and I hope I don’t have an anxiety attack.

I hope he doesn’t notice I’m gone and is happy during the day. At the same time it breaks my heart that I’ll be relegated to a pool of caretakers. I honestly experienced some intense jealousy towards a bottle this weekend because it will be taking my place. I know I’m his mom but he’s still young and driven by natural instinct. Now there will be a dozen different people feeding him, playing with him, comforting him, and putting him to bed. I want it to be easy for him and them but I also feel like it’ll leave me as another face in a crowd. When he’s older and can talk and comprehend, I feel like it’ll be easier but currently, he is only starting to know who I am and I am going to disappear for most of his waking hours. I worry he’ll feel like his milk lady has abandoned him.

Clearly, I’m a bit of a wreck right now. I’m hoping I can pull out my inner Regina to get through the work day because I really am against crying at work. Fortunately, Danny will be home with Lucas for most of June. It’s a perk for many reasons. One, he’ll be able to bring him up for lunch with me once a week. Two, Lucas is used to the two of us being around so I won’t have new competition and he might not notice the change. Three, Danny loves Lucas as much as I do so I know he’ll be in the best hands.

To end on a positive note, these 84 days have been the best of my life and I will cherish them always. Now to cuddle my baby…