I wanted to be a mom my entire life. I was the girl that carried around her baby doll (including ones I drew on paper and cut out) and played house. It was always my #1 career aspiration and what I planned my life around. It’s not the PC thing to say in 2019 but it’s very true.
I wasn’t always sure it would happen. In my youth I didn’t feel attractive, worthy or special enough to think that I’d find someone who would marry me (and that’s simply how I thought about it). Obviously, my self-view changed and I so has my life but my passionate desire to have a family and my fear I wouldn’t continues to play its part. I’m amazed and grateful for my family and my boys. Every time Lucas calls me mama I’m overcome with disbelief that he’s talking about me and it’s real life.
People can’t help but comment about the struggles of motherhood, challenges of sleep deprivation or the desire to get away and I understand what they’re saying but I can’t relate. Being with my boys is my greatest joy. I would never chose anything different because I know one day I won’t have a choice. They’ll be older and doing their own thing; therefore, every minute they want to be with me or have to be with me, I want to be there. I’ll take on the tantrums, late nights, and other inconveniences happily because I feel so fortunate that I’m a mom, that I met Danny and that we never had fertility or health issues (which so many people struggle with).
It’s my 4th (!?!) Mother’s Day and my heart is bursting with joy that I get to be these guys mom. They are more than I ever dreamed of and I’m beyond lucky to have them.