These 5 years have been incredible. I love Danny now more than ever and if I had to do it again today I’d be more enthusiastic and excited than the first time because like fine wine, Danny only gets better with age.
That said, marriage isn’t always easy. As previously noted I’ve been in a funk for quite some time and it definitely has had an impact on our relationship. Some reasons rightfully so, others probably not. Regardless of our challenges I made sure to keep them private (Lesson from year 2!). Yes, I turned to girlfriends when needed (and my mom) but never social media or the blog. In today’s culture social media is fuel to fires and small things get blown out of proportion, our relationship is way too important to ever put out there in that way.
We didn’t have public conversations but we had private ones with a therapist for a few sessions and it was the best thing we could have done. First and foremost, it was a step that said we were both all in and willing to do whatever it takes. That was huge for me and made me feel infinitely better. Having a safe space with an impartial referee to discuss things that bother us helped us figure out how to communicate better because we were able to hear each other through our therapists reflections of what we said. It created a shift in thinking so that we could listen better when it’s just the two of us.
Therapy Tuesdays also became our date night. We would carpool to work and have more time together, we’d grab fast food afterwards and finish conversations from our sessions in the car like our early dating days. In more than one way it allowed us to think more about each other and our relationship.
We haven’t been to counseling in a while but it’s good to know that if/when we hit another roadblock we know there are ways to get passed them.
Lessons in Marriage:
Year 1: The first year of marriage is REALLY hard! Even if you lived together and shared finances beforehand, the piece of paper changes things.
Year 2: Don’t take the good things for granted and share them with your family and friends. The little things you complain about will seem more serious to them if they don’t know the big picture.
Year 3: When you’re with the right person, you know it and it feels wonderful.
Year 4: Marriage is a series of choices. You decide how you act and react – all actions have consequences.
Year 5: Relationships take effort and sometime a little outside help. Don’t give up when things get hard, go all in.
Note: Mr. B took our picture. It was a struggle – hence Danny’s less than enthusiastic look.